A butcher is working, and really busy. He notices a dog in his
shop and shoos him away. Later, he notices the dog is back
again. He walks over to the dog, and notices the dog has a
note in his mouth. The butcher takes the note, and it reads,
"Can I have 12 sausages and a leg of lamb, please."The butcher looks, and lo and behold, in the dog's mouth, there
is a ten dollar bill. So the butcher takes the money, puts the
sausages and lamb in a bag, and places it in the dog's mouth.
The butcher is very impressed, and since it's closing time, he
decides to close up shop and follow the dog.So, off he goes. The dog is walking down the street and comes
to a crossing. The dog puts down the bag, jumps up and
presses the crossing button. Then he waits patiently, bag in
mouth, for the lights to change. They do, and he walks across
the road, with the butcher following. The dog then comes to a
bus stop, and starts looking at the timetable. The butcher is in
awe at this stage. The dog checks out the times, and sits
on one of the seats to wait for the bus. Along comes a bus.
The dog walks to the front of the bus, looks at the number, and
goes back to his seat. Another bus comes. Again the dog goes
and looks at the number, notices it's the right bus, and climbs
on. The butcher, by now open-mouthed, follows him onto the
bus. The bus travels thru town and out to the suburbs.
Eventually the dog gets up, moves to the front of the bus, and
standing on his hind legs, pushes the button to stop the bus.
The dog gets off, groceries still in his mouth, and the butcher
still following. They walk down the road, and the dog
approaches a house. He walks up the path, and drops the
groceries on the step. Then he walks back down the path,
takes a big run, and throws himself -whap!- against the door.
He goes back down the path, takes another run, and throws
himself -whap!- against the door again!There's no answer at the door, so the dog goes back down the
path, jumps up on a narrow wall, and walks along the perimeter
of the garden.He gets to a window, and bangs his head against
it several times. He walks back, jumps off the wall, and waits at
the door. The butcher watches as a big guy opens the door,
and starts laying into the dog, really yelling at him.The butcher runs up and stops the guy. "What the heck are
you doing? This dog is a genius. He could be on TV, for God's
sake!"To which the guy responds, "Clever, my ass. This is the
second time this week he's forgotten his key!"
~~~~~~
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One day a man called the church office. He said, "Can I speak
to the head hog at the trough?"The secretary thought she heard what he said, but said, "I'm
sorry, who?"The caller repeated, "Can I speak to the head hog at the
trough?"She said, "Well, if you mean the preacher, then you may refer
to him as 'Pastor,' or 'Brother,' but I prefer that you not refer to
him as the 'head hog at the trough'!"To this the man replied, "Well, I was planning on giving
$100,000 to the building fund...."To this the secretary quickly responded "Hang on, I think the
big fat pig just walked in!"
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